Tag Archives: military life

10 Years

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10 years ago I was a college freshman at the University of Pittsburgh. Having just completed a 4-year enlistment in the Army, I was enjoying the freedom of these first weeks in school. My husband and I had created a home in a little apartment in Brookline (a neighborhood in Pittsburgh) and I certainly felt like a city girl, riding the bus or trolley to school everyday.

Between classes I was relaxing on the Cathedral lawn, soaking in the September light, when I heard an emergency alert sound from speakers I never before noticed. Students were then directed to evacuate the campus, students living in dormitories were given further instructions, but I was numbly packing my bag, wondering what could possibly be wrong.

Waiting at a bus stop, rumors were flying. Some waiting passengers were passing mixed messages of explosions in New York, bombs heading for Pittsburgh and attacks across the US. Speculation and exaggeration were rampant until I simply stated “If bombs were truly heading here, the university wouldn’t have us standing at a bus stop corner.” A few nods and then silence.

A bus came along and we all squeezed in. I’ve never experienced a quieter bus ride. Riders were captivated by the simple facts the driver passed on. It all seemed so insane. The Pentagon? New York? I then doubted Pittsburgh was under real threat, but the evacuation was still very real.

Stuck in a standstill, I asked to get off the bus and walked towards downtown. I tried to stop at every single payphone, but there were lines I wasn’t willing to wait in. I just felt this need to get home. Eventually I came to a downtown trolley station, piling into a car to get out of the city. On the longest ride of my life, I heard pieces of news and practically ran the 1.5 miles to our apartment.

I opened the door to a ringing phone. Tom wanting to know if I made it home, family from Arizona wanting to know how close we were to the Flight 93 crash, local family wondering if Tom and I would be called back to the Army or if Tom’s National Guard unit had been activated.

I had no answers. All I knew was that this moment was devastating for my country. I thought of all my friends still serving and I cried for what this might mean. For days I watched the news, but returned to school once the University reopened (cell phone in my bag, since Tom felt it was a necessity now).

The impact of those four planes on my life has been ongoing and amazing. Tom has now safely deployed four times (except for an IED incident, thankfully while in a tank). He reenlisted in the Army as a tank gunner and was accepted to Officer Candidate School in 2005. We now find ourselves in Spain, trying to find our way, but thankful for each other and our two little girls. As I sit in our Madrid apartment, watching the memorial services on CNN International, I realize how this event was a marker in history and I wonder how the future will continue to play out.

Currently, the national unity sparked by the terrorist attacks on 9/11/01 is just a memory. Our military is still at war. My own child even told me “I will choose to believe this when I am a grown-up.” Tom and I were dumbstruck. Despite our assurance that it did happen, that this was why her father and so many soldiers have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, she continued with this horrifying assertion. I finally asked her why. She said “It’s too sad and too bad. I can’t believe it.”

I understand the desire to forget, but remembrance is required and necessary for our country. I truly hope this day never disappears into future American History books, no matter how horrifying or transforming the results of this day  become.

Moving, Phase 3

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I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been blogging quite a bit less lately. So much has gone on the past several weeks: soccer, school, sick kids, sleep issues (still), even dealing with bullies (yes, I’m diverse…and tough)!

But the biggest time suck by far has been the craziness of an overseas move. The good news? I have successfully completed phase 1, Get Moving and phase 2, Schedule Everything. We’ve cleaned and scrubbed and sorted everything and everyone in the house. We scheduled every appointment we could possibly need, crossed major chunks of necessities off our list, and even sorted what we’re going to do with our animals.

We’re now in the roughest phase, phase 3:

Begin to say good-bye.

This isn’t a simple wave and exchange of email addresses. This involves slowly separating ourselves from our home, spending time with people we care about, visiting favorite places and scarfing down all our favorite, regional foods. How to do this?

1. Plan all out-of-state travel.

Book tickets, coordinate dates, make sure you’ll see those important people who you might not see for several months (or years, for that matter). For my family, that means planning time in Pittsburgh with my in-laws and a trip to Arizona to visit my family. Since my family, our stuff, and our car is leaving from the east coast, my Pittsburgh relatives will see a bit more of us. (We have a car to deliver to New Jersey, recovery from packers and interstate travel, etc. I promise if we were going to Hawaii, Alaska, or Asia, we would definitely hang out in Arizona much longer!)

Nomadic Tip: Book all air travel well in advance, researching multiple sites. If you wait too long and prices are looking scary, hold off until right before your trip and snag a last-minute trip. Always try to fly on Tuesday or Wednesday, the least busy (and cheapest) days of the week. The most expensive time to purchase tickets is 30-10 days out from a trip.

2. Pick a date to leave town.

Once you plan your out-of-state visits, you have to choose a date to leave your community. It’s rough. Every time someone asks you “So, when are you leaving? Are you getting close?” you’ll cringe a bit when you answer (especially if the person asking is someone you’ll really miss). This is essential though. We have many friends here and this good-bye will be rough. We need to pace ourselves!

Nomadic Tip: Remember to leave a day or two after the movers are all done packing to recover before leaving town. You’ll need it before setting out on the next leg of your journey.

3. Plan your goodbyes.

It can be especially hard for children to say goodbye to their friends. Some special time, even if it’s a few hours at a playground, can make that easier. Gifts are certainly not necessary, but a picture of those you care about can make a difference. When a good friend left this past winter, she planned an early birthday party for her daughter. Our children were able to make t-shirts with everyone’s handprints on them (dipped in fast-drying fabric paint and labeled with a fabric marker) and had plenty of playtime. Cake, memorable craft, and play…perfect.

For adults, a lunch with a good friend, a small get together at your house, or even the time for a real phone call (yes, actually speaking instead of sending 76 text messages or an ongoing Facebook message) is all you need. It really is just enough to say good-bye without drawing out the memories and tears. Make sure you have phone, mail, and email addresses!

Nomadic Tip: Search for “free printable business cards” like these at How About Orange. Include your email address and any other information you have available. Have them ready to hand out to friends.

4. Take time off.

You and everyone in your family needs time off from goodbyes, cleaning, sorting, and running errands. Take a weekend off, I promise you will miraculously crunch everything into your remaining time. If taking a break before you’re all ready to go stresses you out, get things done and relax until the movers come. I promise this second option only works for a small portion of the population. If you aren’t naturally organized, don’t shoot for it. Plan that relaxation time in the middle of your preparation.

Nomadic Tip: Use this time off to relax in your home and visit some local, nearby favorite sites and restaurants. Stay close to home so you have plenty of downtime, don’t do too much!

I’m ready for number 4, taking some time off. I can’t wait to get there…I’m really wishing I had Samantha’s wiggly nose.

Memorial Day Through A Military Child’s Eyes

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While driving on post to take Tom dinner Saturday evening, the girls were playing in the backseat and I was listening to NPR. At the top of the hour the news led with a report about an attack on NATO troops in Afghanistan, resulting in 7 casualties.

E heard.

I turned the dial, silently cursing myself. I’m usually so careful. I have to be. Tom deploys frequently. E’s friends have fathers who deploy frequently. I don’t want to scare her.

From the backseat, “What about American soldiers, Mom?”

Darn. “Nothing, E. It wasn’t American soldiers, it was NATO soldiers.” A little lie. I was panicking. We’ve talked  about the dangers of war, but I really try to avoid it.

“Oh. That is so sad for their kids, but I’m glad it wasn’t our guys. Americans. That’s a little better, right?” says my ever so brutally honest, brave girl.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to pull over on the side of the road and cry for the little girl who obviously thought about war and death and loss. Who didn’t know her own father was once hit by an IED when she was just 15 months old. Who didn’t know about the loss that touched so closely to our own lives, to her father’s.

I didn’t cry though. I took a deep breath and said, “War and death is so sad, those who fight, are wounded, or die deserve so much more. It is horrible for their families, but yes E, I agree. It is a little better if it isn’t someone we could possibly know.”

Little R pipes up in her little girl voice, trying to copy her sister, “What about solda daddies?”

Before I can say a word, I see E turn towards her sister in my rear-view mirror. She stretches out her hand and says, “It’s okay, R. They were just talking about soldiers in Afa-gahan-a-stan. Not Iraq. Nowhere Daddy has gone. They’re okay.”

At that moment I realize what it is to be a child of a veteran, a child of a soldier who has deployed to war. I thought I could protect her from the darkest realities of war, but I could not. She has learned of war and sorted it into some sort of levels of right and wrong, of fear and acceptance, of need and protection. In that moment, when she reassured her sister, I knew I did the right thing. I protected her while I could and allowed her to gently form her own type of acceptance. That she shared that same cautious comfort with her sister…well, I gained a perfect picture of her love for her little sister: protective, gentle, loving, and respectful. What an incredible little girl.

A Better Way to a Military Family’s Budget

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While the impending US government shutdown may not effect too many people in the US, it will touch my family and many people I know. I am incredibly sad for my friends with deployed spouses right now. I know how stressful it is to be the one staying behind, caring for children and home and I cannot imagine the added stress of no money. I know soldiers will be paid about half their pay, but soldiers deployed to war zones do not need additional stress. And I know it is almost tiring to hear, but they are putting their lives on the line. Now for free. This is what ten years of ongoing combat action has done to our leaders, they don’t feel the need to fund the military personnel sacrificing their lives, health, and family.

Some people believe everyone in the military makes an incredible amount of money. Actually, just like in any job, military personnel have to work their way up. It isn’t until a soldier has been in the military for seven or eight years that they really make enough to comfortably afford the extras for a family. This requires careful fiscal and career planning to live within a family budget while moving forward. Fortunately, my husband has worked hard to move up the ladder and is incredibly budget savvy. A couple of our best tricks will save us much of the stress many of my friends may encounter.

The military allows allotments. This means that we set up chunks of our money to go to different accounts on the first of every month. One account for most of our bills to include both mortgages, car payments, insurance payments, student loan payments and even our cable and cell phone bill. It also covers financial contributions for the month. We also have a small allotment to another account for vacation/Christmas/PayPal money. What does this mean? Well, what goes into our checking account is less than half our pay, but it also means that we have a sense of security. All the money for our bills were in the account on the first (yes, even though we get paid two times a month, the government goes ahead and pays all allotments in full on the first of the month, splitting the remainder of your pay between the two pay periods), which means all our bills are paid. Our family budget will be slashed by half if there is a shutdown, but at least we know we have money in savings and no late fees will pile up over the course of two weeks.

How did we figure this out? Well, it takes awhile or at least a good chunk of time with your partner. We find we always have to regain our balance after every financial change (after a deployment, after I lose my job due to another move, after a major purchase, etc.).

A good starting point is a website called mint.com. This site allows you to set a family budget for free, but more importantly you can track your spending. So step one, gather up all your bills and accounts and set aside an evening. Put the kids to bed and enter every single bill and account. Be sure to include assets too and accurately account for every bit of income. Once you link your accounts, mint will track where you spend every single penny. (You can even set limits for stores, if you go over that Target limit an email and/or text message will be sent! Eek!)

Step two, in one month take another evening and look where you spend your money. I promise you’ll be surprised. Try not to panic if you’re in the negative, instead look at what you can cut. House phone? Premium cable? Dining out (a huge expense for most families)? Needless trips to Target’s dollar section? Trim, trim, trim! If you’re comfortable with your spending you can skip this portion of the fun and lucky you!

Step three, decide how much money you need to cover bills: mortgage/rent, utilities, cable, phone, cell, credit cards, loans. If some of your bills change in their amount due month to month, account for this in your dollar amount.

Let me suggest a step three-and-a-half and recommend starting retirement and savings if you haven’t yet. No, you cannot live on a military pension. It is half of your base pay when you retire, maybe enough for a mortgage payment, but not enough to live. EVERYONE needs retirement savings and a savings account. Even young people who make nearly nothing. Save SOMETHING. This is another saving grace for us right now, we do have savings. Setup a separate allotment for this account.

Step four, open an account just for paying bills (or use one you already have open). We use First Command for this purpose, but other great online banks include USAA and even state credit unions. We don’t have a debit card for this bill paying account, it is STRICTLY for paying bills.

Step five, log on to DFAS mypay and set-up an allotment to this account for the amount determined in step three.

Step six, set up automatic payments for all possible bills out of this account. What does this mean? It means that the military puts money in this account and the bills are either deducted automatically from this account or sent directly from your account. If a bill doesn’t have an autopay option, you can always setup an automatic payment from your checking account to pay this bill (often called billpay or automatic transfer). It should be a free service, if it isn’t you should use a different bank for this account.

Step seven, don’t panic when your next pay comes around. Your pay will be much less, but your bills will be covered by the money in your new account. What does this mean? You can do your family budget strictly on what is deposited in your family account, no surprise bills, no accidents. What you have is exactly what you can spend and that is an incredible relief.